Now What?
I am at a point where I have six and a half months between seasons in life. I have no idea what to do with them. I am working at a pointless job in Cripple Creek and playing a bunch of poker. I'm preparing for a wedding November 12th. Buuuuuttt... now what? Do I just sit idly by and work my tail off and goof off around here? Do I go somewhere and work a camp, or guide, or travel? Do I move to Minnesota early? I'm not really sure. I'm in the saddle between peaks now - the only destination I have is clearly the summit (marriage) in 6.5 months, but what route do I take to get there?
Part of me wants to go be in Minnesota with Shay. But then I will really really really want to be married sooner. Another part of me wants to go live in a tent on a river in the middle of nowhere and guide all summer. Another part of me would love to spend one last summer at Forest Home. Another part of me wants to just work my tail off to have some finances going into a marriage.
It's a very liberating but frustrating point to be at. I have the freedom to do whatever I want right now, but I am frustrated that I do not have the freedom to invest my time and life into anything productive. I begin going nuts when I'm not doing anything with purpose.
How do I twist this time into doing something productive with purpose geared toward preparing for my wedding? Does it mean being with her more or does it mean being adventurous for one last summer?
Either way - I cannot wait til November 12th.
Return to the Blog
Sorry for the long lag between posts - I promise I have a good reason for the hiatus, but it is not something I can get into here.
I have been thinking the past 24 hours about Joseph. Yeah, "Mary and Joseph" Joseph. The father but not really. His wife, who is a virgin (strange... strange indeed already... he must have been it for the money or the camels or something...), gets pregnant. Virgin + Preggers = Somebody's lying. So, as is the topic of many a Sunday sermon, Joseph does the honorable thing and decides to divorce her privately, instead of going about town and talking about how his wife cheated on him and how he has been wronged.
I need to be Joseph.
Talk about actively learning what it means to be humble. Because of my need to be Joseph, my side of the story will not be out. I will be the bad guy. Relationships are going to be tarnished. And in doing the right thing, I cannot do anything about it.
The part of the story that confuses me the most - is how did Joseph deal with this? He was under complete belief that his wife had cheated on him! And her excuse is that the spirit of God did it? Pretty original, as they say in "Saved". But how did he move on? Did he just suck it up and wait it out?
I'm in a funk right now that is driving me nuts. Somebody said something tonight that killed me - "They've ruined you." This coming after a barrage of comments about how I'm not the same.
Ouch.
I'm not the same. I'm hurt. I'm frustrated with the situation. I did what I had to do - and it sucks.
If anybody has any solutions of how to get out of a long term funk, let me know. And this ain't one of those a day at the beach will fix you. This is a disappointment about life/upset with God sort of funks.
Pray for me.
PS - Shay and I are still together. Sorry I have been so cryptic, but I've learned that I have to. If you're curious to know more, please e-mail me.
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