Faithfulness, Success, and "the 20%"
I can't sleep.
I keep running the night through my mind, going over the events in youth group and what happened afterwards. One event sticks out in my mind. I ended up spending the rest of the night after youth group with one of my boys (his key broke off in a frozen door lock and he was stranded until his mother got home). He came with me to Pierced, an emergent generation service that I attend at a church here in town. It was neat having him see my world outside of the church I work at.
After Pierced we went to Panda Express for dinner. I have been thinking a lot lately about being intentional in my conversations with students, so I asked him this question, and the following dialogue ensued.
I asked, "Why do you come to youth group?"
"I think it's important to be involved with a religious group - I don't go to church anymore, so that is what youth group is to me now."
"Why do you think it's important to be involved with a religious group?"
"It helps me attain my religious goals."
"What are your religious goals?"
After a period of thought, he responded, "To be in the 20%."
All I could say was, "Good answer."
A couple of weeks ago I challenged the students with the statistic that 80% of high school students who claim to be Christians walk away from their faith by the end of college. We talked about the why's, how's, what to do's, and all that good stuff. My goal? To encourage the students in a personal desire to be in that 20% - in everything that it entails.
What a perfect answer. What an encouragement! Youth ministry is often a thankless job. I can spend ten hours in preparation for a message, deliver it perfectly, and get zero response from the students. You never have any idea what they're thinking. You never get the, "Great sermon, pastor Bryan" at the end of youth group. When my vision of success is being faithful with what God has called me to, and that right now being the discipleship of a handful of students on the westside of Colorado Springs, I can never tell how successful or un-successful I am. I can point to a positive growth trend in numbers, but so can the art department at the local high school. There is no correlation between numbers of students in attendance and spiritual growth. I can see the depth of my relationships with the various students in my life, but so can a big brother from the boys and girls club. Again, no correlation. There is really no way to measure the spiritual growth of the students until years down the road. And even then the kicker is that it is the Spirit of God that actually induces the spiritual growth! All I can do is be faithful to get God's word to their ears. He has to get it to their hearts.
"I want to be in the 20%." Beautiful, encouraging words.
Santa Claus Theology
Do you ever notice how theology is found in the strangest of places? I watched the movie
Elf tonight (great movie - Will Farrell cracks me up) and couldn't help but noticing how much it resembled today's culture.
Towards the end of the movie Santa ends up in NYC flying the sleigh and takes a crash landing. The jet turbine engine beneath the sleigh broke down. In the old days (pre-60's the movie says) the sleigh flew merely by "Christmas Spirit", people believing in Santa. So the sleigh breaks down, Buddy (Will Farrell) the elf who is trapped in New York sees Santa crash and goes to help. Santa explains the situation about a lack of Christmas spirit and buddy says, "Why don't you just go show yourself to everybody so they will believe?" Santa chuckles and says, "No, it's not by seeing that they will believe."
Interesting. Jesus said the same thing.
We are living in a postmodern society where "truth is relative". The idea of a religion or faith that is exclusive is repulsive to many people in today's culture. We as Christians have transplanted this exclusivity to anything that carries a label of "Christian." We often refuse to recognize truth in Buddhism, Mormonism, Existentialism, or any other -ism that we can come up with. But truth is truth regardless of the label. Before you scream, "Heretic!" let me explain.
Some of these thoughts are stolen from Rob Bell and hearing him speak this weekend. This is me citing him.
All things are yours, whether Paul or Apollos or Cephas or the world or life or death or the present or the future-all are yours, and you are of Christ, and Christ is of God - 1Cor3:21b-23. Cool. If this is God's world (he made it), then it is full of elements that are reflective of God. CS Lewis uses this argument in
Mere Christianity to show the existence of a god. Elements such as a common morality within people, a common desire to explain where we came from, a common search for divinity, etc. Jesus claimed that "I am the truth..." (John 14:6). If the world is God's, and Jesus is God, and Jesus is the truth, and Jesus is in God, then anything that is truth is of God. We don't have to be afraid of truth found outside the tenets of our faith. Rather we need to rise up and claim what is ours - because everything is ours! All things! Rather than saying, "Don't watch Harry Potter," let's use Harry Potter to draw connections to the truth that is in Christ! Let's sift the God born truth that exists in this world from the lies and deception of Satan and claim what is rightfully ours!
"God is raising up a generation of tour guides - who will claim truth wherever they find it - and will show others, helping them to experience the big God. If we keep asking questions we will end up at Jesus! All things are ours! It is time for the Church to leave the intellectual ghetto and claim the world that is ours. We have the freedom to claim the truth no matter who or what it comes from!" - Rob Bell
Living Examples
Flying home. My mind is flooded with emotions and information permeating every inch of my being. My body cannot help but be exhausted from the strain of the past five days - but my mind is alive with the wonderment of what comes next. What will change in my ministry paradigms? What will change in my living relationship with a living Christ?
"Always preach the gospel; if necessary, use words." On the subway trip to the airport this afternoon I and three other youth ministers from Minnesota engaged in various conversations with the people on the train. We laughed. We talked about the weather. We talked about youth pastoring. And I know that those people noticed a difference in our personalities. We had been rained on (a lot) also, yet there was still a joy that transcended the frustrations that we shared with sucky weather. Then while waiting for a delayed plane, in small talk with the woman sitting next to me she said, "well we'll pray that you make your connecting flight." A few moments later she asked me what I do, and I told her that I was a youth pastor. She was very excited at this and said something that will stick with me the rest of my life. "Really?? I normally don't talk about praying with strangers, but for some reason I felt like I could with you. Now I understand why." How cool.
That is my prayer. That something is exuberated from my being that screams difference - something that speaks of spiritual change. I don't want what defines me to be as surface level and legalistic as my actions (although those are important). I believe that the culture we are living in wants to see something authentic. Something real. Real, broken, human people attempting to live a life of holiness, motivated to joy by the overwhelming grace that has been given us. I want my difference to be seen in my smile. In the shimmer of life radiated on my eyes. In the conversations that go beyond weather and sports teams. I want to be real. Vulnerable. Authentic. Holy. Who I am: Disobiedient, but ultimately a child of God, loved by a father who is unfailing, and struggling daily to attain the holiness that I desire. The best part of all this is that I can't do it. I simply can't. With every pure and noble desire of my heart driving me I simply do not have the ability... by myself that is. But I do have God on my side! How sweet the sound of that is.
Mixing Tears
I am trying to distract myself from the painful noises of "Lost and Found"... have I ever mentioned how much I hate sucky Christian productions? Anyways - I thought of a sweet image. I bawled my eyes out Sunday night. However, much of what brought me back to a smiling point was the community that surrounded me.
I had not known anybody in this community before Friday. I was sitting amongst three people who knew each other well, Todd, Harlan, and Shannon, all from Kansas City. Also there was John from Ottawa, Canada, and Joe from somewhere else that I don't remember. But the point is this... I was sitting between Todd and Shannon - and when I watched the video that shook me up, they knew enough of my story and were observant enough to notice how I was being affected. A supporting hand and hug was offered, and a Wendy's napkin was given.
How cool. Since the core of our beings is identical - Christ - then we can be unified to such a deep and intimate level within 36 hours of meeting. What a lesson - especially with all the trust issues that I have had.
However, the message that evening shook everybody else up. I found myself between two crying individuals, arms wrapped around each other, standing together seeking God in the desert - rather than seeking to evacuate the desert. When I saw Shannon's tears dripping onto her notes I sought a tissue - yet all I found was my used napkin from earlier. And she took it, used it, and I almost lost it again as I thought about how beautiful that image is. How God must have smiled at that moment! How He must have wept with us. Shared tears, mixed in a Wendy's napkin. Shared moments within a paradoxical community. Unity within the body. It was beautiful.
The Desert Place
Howdy from Atlanta! Of course most of y'all won't see this ‘til sometime Wednesday or later, it is officially 3:13 eastern time for me on Monday afternoon. For the first time I have had a somewhat free moment to sit down and try to synthesize some thoughts into text.
I must say that I am overwhelmed. To pack this much information into 4 days and also the element of spiritual challenge, I'm pretty drained. Program goes ‘til 11:30pm; I am of course still on mountain time and also a social butterfly wanting to meet as many people as I possibly can, so thus I get to bed around 1:30, and then I'm back up at 7 to make it to the 8am seminar on time.
However, all whining aside, I have met some incredible people. I have been running with a community of loners - several of us who came here with nobody and have bonded together in the common need of fellowship. I have gotten excited about changing students lives - I feel like returning to Gateway proclaiming, here I come kids!!!
Even more challenging, I got busted up last night. For no apparent reason, they showed a video of a youth pastor from San Clemente, CA who has been through a challenging time of two deaths close together in time. I know exactly how she feels. The video brought many of the emotions that I am still dealing with to the surface, and the music following that video brought me to a point of sobbing tears. After twenty minutes of crying and an intense time of worship and emotional struggle and confusion, this is what I wrote. This happened Sunday night at the general session.
How hard it is for myself to sing words like "how good you are to me" immediately following the remembrance of all the crap and death that has come in my life. But then to sing a song like amazing grace and remember my life as an insignificant vapor who is defined as a child of the LIVING GOD, redeemed by the blood of Christ, prince in the kingdom of God, and loved dearly by the creator of the universe, I can't help but be overwhelmed and remember how good He truly is to me.
Then the message came. A message about the deserts in our lives. The speaker brought up an interesting point - we so often fear the desert, but the desert is a place that God BRINGS US TO... so that we may be challenged and grounded in Him. There are many examples of biblical characters being brought into the desert - only to be planted and renewed in God. Wow.
I have had so much information thrown at me that I've forgotten most of everything that I haven't heard today. Thank God for notes! I have taken pages and pages of them. Somebody did give some good advice though this week - that I take at least half a day within the week after I get home and process everything - the notes, the tapes - and journal about how to apply all the information to the ministry in general and my life.
Well, that's all I have for you now. Thanks for reading and praying for me.
Angst... and Youth Specialties
I had a pretty sweet opportunity tonight... it included the opportunity to win $5,000.
Last week I qualified to play in a poker tournament at a club downtown with a prize pool of $10,000 paid out to the top four finishers. I did this by finishing in the top 4 of 30 in a satellite tournament. All this has been done as a promotion - nobody has had to put up a dime to play in these tournaments. Sponsorships and the like have made it all happen.
So at 6pm last night I sit down with 100 other players all playing for a first prize of $5,000 - free. To make a long story short, I got pretty unlucky... and finished 6th. 6th! I would've rather had finished 100th! I got a t-shirt and a deck of cards. Are you kidding me? 5th place was a set of chips (about a $130 value), and the top four paid out $5k, $3k, $1500, and $500 respectively. Talk about a disappointment. Well... at least I didn't lose anything.
Except for some sleep that is. This post is coming in the middle of the night as you may have noticed. I didn't get out of the club until 2am. At 9am this morning, I will be taking off from Colorado Springs airport and flying to Atlanta for the
National Youth Workers Convention. I love these things. They pack 6,000 youth ministers into a convention center and downtown area. My favorite part of it all is looking around and thinking, hey, there's a bunch of people just as weird as I am here! I am very much looking forward to the resources that I will acquire, the connections I will make, and the excitement and passion that I will be coming home with.
So, pray for me - and I'll talk with you Wednesday and let you know how it went!
Embracing Small Church Ministry
For the first time Sunday I truly embraced the small church ministry that I am active in right now. It has been a challenge coming from the large ministry paradigm - Forest Home, Bel Air Pres, and Peak 3 - and shifting to a small group setting. Most of the skills that I have learned are no longer applicable. Instead of seventy kids and $12,000 in a budget, I now have seven kids and a $1200 budget. Program does not work. No more worship band, loud PA's, or church vans. Instead I have been challenged with building a healthy ministry almost from scratch.
So I've been learning. I've made a transiton from administrator to small group leader. I have been more focused on building relationships with the students rather than developing solid programs. I have become a discussion facilitator rather than a teacher or preacher. And it has been challenging. Especially coming from a paradigm where the larger church wants nothing to do with your program except a weekly report on how numbers are doing.
This Sunday I truly embraced in my heart this style of ministry. I had always known the things that you can do with a small group that you can't do with a large group and vice versa, but when the youth ministry world is filled with resources for "groups sized twenty to 200!", it makes you feel very insignificant when you're excited about having ten.
I challenged the students with this fact on Sunday: "80% of high school students who claim to be christians will no longer make that claim after college." Pretty crazy. And instead of me talking about this and how crazy it is and how it happens, we discussed it as a group. The students explored the problem for themselves. But the coolest part was this: the students opened up. They were vulnerable. They didn't give the classic Sunday School answers that they thought I wanted to hear. They shared their hearts, their struggles, doubts, and worries, things that I have never seen in a large group setting before. Yay God - it has been totally encouraging.
Common Skeletons
Tonight I had coffee with somebody that I had never met until tonight. All I knew about her is that her name is Mandy, she's enlisted in the air force, and we share one similar event in our pasts: our father's have committed suicide.
I went into this evening halfway excited, halfway freaked out, but 100% looking forward to the night. I have never met anybody who can look me dead in the eyes (besides family of course) and say, "I understand." Plenty have tried with good hearts and intentions, but they really can't understand. It's such a crappy thing to have experienced that unless you actually have you just can't fully grasp the depth and wide gamete of emotions that are invoked through such an experience.
And thus I came into this evening. I had no idea what to expect. We had no agenda, no "lets talk about this...", and really no idea what was going to happen. However what did happen blew my mind. Check this out.
Our faiths have become solid due to both experiences. She was totally drawn to God through the experience, I was busted up by the experience to the point that I needed God. We are both grateful for the experiences. We both understand what it's like not to be understood. Even more crazy - both our mothers received anonymous checks for unstated reasons just before unpaid bills (that lacked money to pay them) were due. We talked. We shared stories. And I know for myself, it validated many of the feelings that I've had. It also encouraged me to realize that it's okay to struggle - but furthermore to realize where it's taken me and the fruit that has come from the experience. It encouraged me to see that God is indeed faithful - that he really does care about us when we hurt here. How cool is that?
Drive By Evangelism
In the book I am currently reading,
Postmodern Youth Ministry by Tony Jones, there is an interesting section on the history of evangelism. Tony writes about the cover of a book,
The Mind Changers. "... a Crusader sits atop his horse with a huge cross emblazoned on his chest. He holds a spear, the point of which rests right above the chest of an infidel who is lying on his back at the horse's feet. Looking up, the infidel says, "Tell me more about this Christianity of yours. I'm terribly interested."
This freakin cracks me up. But sadly it's not simply for the entertainment value. I laugh because it is the only defense mechanism against weeping that I have when I think about all the lives that have been pushed away from the Lord because of the way people have framed the painting of the gospel. For some crazy thoughts, go watch this video titled "
Man on the Street".
Before I jump into this topic, what do y'all think?
Ghosts
It hurts. Those periods in life where you move about in a trance, not really aware. Of anything. The peripherals blur. You can convince most that everything is okay. Those few that you have let past the gates that guard your heart notice that something is wrong - and they ask you about it. In a loving manner. And you think about it realizing that you have been acting strangely as of late. And in all honesty, nothing comes to your mind.
So you continue living. And working. And it simply will not go away. No matter how hard you try - you know something is eating at you. Sometimes it is right up in your face, sometimes you forget that it is there. BUT IT WILL NOT GO AWAY.
And then you see it. Walking. Moving. Talking. Memories. She the source of your pain. Your pain. Your pain. My pain. My... pain.
No. She's the reason maybe. But not the source. I failed. I messed up. Twice. I had the second chance - and with all good intentions in my heart I still messed up. And now I live with my own desire. If I ever held her back - she leaves immediately. And she did. And it hurt. Hurts. And she's back. And I can't do anything about it. Because she's been hurt too. And she's amazing enough to know her priorities. And that makes me want her all the more. And I can't have her.
There's a letter on the desktop that I dug out of a drawer
from the last truce we ever came to in our adolescent war
and I start to feel a fever from the warm air through the screen
you come regular like seasons shadowing my dreams
and the Mississippi's mighty but it starts in Minnesota
at a place where you could walk across with five steps down
and I guess that's how you started like a pinprick to my heart
but at this point you rush right through me and I start to drown
and there's not enough room in this world for my pain
signals cross and love gets lost and time passed makes it plain
of all my demon spirits I need you the most
I'm in love with your ghost I'm in love with your ghost
dark and dangerous like a secret that gets whispered in a hush
when I wake the things I dreamt about you last night make me blush
when you kiss me like a lover then you sting me like a viper
I go follow to the river play your memory like the piper
and I feel it like a sickness how this love is killing me
but I'd walk into the fingers of your fire willingly
and dance the edge of sanity I've never been this close
in love with your ghost
unknowing captor you'll never know how much you
pierce my spirit but I can't touch you
can you hear it a cry to be free
or I'm forever under lock and key
as you pass right through me
now I see your face before me I would launch a thousand ships
to bring your heart back to my island as the sand beneath me slips
as I burn up in your presence and I know now how it feels
to be weakened like Achilles with you always at my heels
and my bitter pill to swallow is the silence that I keep
that poisons me I can't swim free the river is too deep
though I'm baptized by your touch I am no worse at most in love with your ghost
Which do you prefer?
I voted Libertarian. I am very proud of that vote. But the biggest question I have faced in the past 24 hours is, "Why, when you would rather have Bush over Kerry, do you willingly and knowingly throw your vote away?" In order to keep this discussion "short", I will simply go through the first ten amendments - the Bill of Rights, the legal standard for the principles on which this nation was founded.
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.
Perhaps the government of the united states has forgotten the meaning of "shall make no law". Federal censorship is a standard of today's society. Peaceful assemblies have been broken up with
force. Read this article about the
Bonus March of 1932. It will shock you.
Oh, by the way. This article failed to mention that the government used
tanks on these American citizens. Think that this is something from the past and doesn't happen any more? Look up
Waco or
Ruby Ridge.
If the government is so willing to violate our freedom of speech and assembly, what is to stop them from violating our freedoms of religion?
A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.
"Shall not be infringed." Not even a little bit. A
militia is defined as "all of the people" - NOT the military. There are 20,000 gun laws in the country today. I am not going to get into the whole gun debate, but I am merely trying to show the hypocrisy of our government.
No Soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.
Fortunately this is irrelevant to us. The founders were still upset about the ways the British army abused the colonials pre-revolution. So the government is one for three.
The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.
This too is violated every day. I personally have had my vehicle searched without consent, without warrant, and without probable cause. Blank search warrants are often issued. If they want into your house, they will find a way.
No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offence to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.
Due process of law. During the last four years, Bush gave an executive order making it legal for ANYBODY even SUSPECTED of being a terrorist to be held in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, in the interest of national security. That means that if YOU or someone you know is suspected of being a terrorist, YOU can be shipped off to Guantanamo and held for as long as they feel it is necessary. Have a good defense? It doesn't matter, because they don't ever have to let you see the inside of a courtroom.
Guantanamo Bay
In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the Assistance of Counsel for his defense.
Did you know:
It takes months to years for a trial to be completed from the date of the infraction.
They are sometimes NOT public. See Kobe Bryant.
Juries are NOT impartial - they are selected by the lawyers involved.
Confrontation by a witness. There are cases resolved every day without a witness.
Also: federal law states that if the sentence is to be less than 180 days, then no jury trial is necessary.
Right now you're probably thinking something along the lines of how the judicial system is too backed up as it is and it is impossible to have a jury trial for every criminal case. Chew on this. The United States of America has the highest incarceration rate of
any civilization in the history of the world, and over eighty percent of those incarcerated are for victimless crimes. Wonder how to un-clog the prisons and judicial system? Quit making criminals out of people who haven't harmed anybody.
In Suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury, shall be otherwise re-examined in any Court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law.
Same story. This doesn't always happen.
Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted
How is a homeless guy supposed to come up with $50,000? Why am I fined $1,000 for throwing a gum wrapper out my car window onto a road that my tax dollars paid for?
The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.
The rights of the people come first. This amendment says that the constitution cannot be used to deny rights that an individual has. Prohibition. The Drug War. Victimless Crimes.
The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.
Read this one close. Any power not delegated to the [federal government] by the constitution are reserved to the states or to the people. The entire alphabet soup of government organizations, that you are paying for, that are legal monopolies, that eliminate our free market and turn this nation more and more socialist every day are prohibited in the bill of rights.
The bottom line - The government daily pisses on nine of the ten amendments contained in the Bill of Rights - the guarantee of our freedom. By the time the government does something that you or I don't like, it will be too late. The day when it will be illegal to own a gun or go to church is coming soon. I will not be surprised if it comes within our lifetimes.
Please comment. I would love to start up a lovely debate over this topic.
Also, if you want references that I have not included to the facts that I have claimed, please ask - I will be happy to provide them.
White, Orange, and Dang it's Dark Early
The whole town's been in a funk lately. It's not completely obvious either - but there is a subtle trend of melancholy running through the community. How much of an effect does weather and days have on the moods of a community? Here's what has happened here in the past three days:
1) Halloween. On a Sunday. So Halloween happened for many people twice; Saturday night and Sunday. Enough said.
2) Daylight savings time going away or whatever they call it when we "get" an hour in the fall. Personally I think it's just keep the farmers working early time. I mean seriously - why do we need an extra hour of sunlight from 6am - 7am? What segment of society besides the aforementioned farmers and work-a-holics are doing anything productive at that time of day (Ok, I know, military, police, paperboys... don't bore me with details because I know you know what I'm talking about)? Even though people get an extra hour of sleep, they are more tired for the next week because of the whacked out schedule.
3) Season's first snow. Sunday night as we walked out of church it was raining. By 9:30pm it was snowing (freezing the rain and making the roads oh so fun) and it didn't stop snowing until sometime Monday night. So, it is now a winter wonderland outside - I think we got about 6 inches that stuck. It's quite gorgeous.
I definitely think it's weird that weather and events can have such a global impact on people's moods. What do you think? I'd love to hear your comments.
Well, if you've made it this far through a boring post, then congrats. You now get the meat.
I personally have been in a funk the past week or so. And the worst part is I have no idea why. Seriously. I've had roomies say "I'm worried about you," friends ask me what's wrong, and myself wondering what the heck is up. This is all before the weather as well. I'm just down. Things are going well, money is okay for the first time in a while, and I really do not have any reason to be down. But I am. Have any of y'all ever experienced this? How did you escape the funk? Thanks - any input will help.
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