How Much to Staple Your Arm?
Blogging from 30,000 feet--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
As I write this I am flying north to Seattle. I’m super excited for the next twelve days. Rick Fuller is hosting me there this weekend and next weekend, before and after our hunting trip to Alaska for all of next week. I’m sure there will be much fun on the weekends, but the purpose of the trip is definitely the hunting.
There is a bear, right now, foraging around Prince of Wales Island, trying desperately to catch him self a fish. In two weeks that bear is going to be my rug, and in four weeks that same bear is going to be the main course of a party at my house: bear burgers.
We also have tags for blacktail deer and will be doing a bunch of fishing for the big Alaskan freshwater species.
So, in preparation for that, I’ve had the pleasure of spending mad monies at Bass Pro Shops and my local automatic weapons (legal in NV) depot.
Weatherby Mark V 7mm magnum: $2k
Ruger Super Redhawk 44 magnum revolver: $700
Leupold Scope: $900
Nikon Binoculars: $300
Gore-tex camoflague: $300
Ammunition: $300
Guide and lodging: $800
Flights: $750
And a ton of other miscellaneous stuff. If women get as much pleasure out of shopping for shoes as I got shopping at those two stores in the past few months, then I finally understand (but still - they’re shoes).
I’m going to do my best to blog while I’m up there, but there’s a big part of me that wants to leave all electronic devices in Seattle. I probably will end up doing just that and keep it with pen and paper and transcribe when I get back next weekend. I guarantee pics and posts eventually!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So, I won a poker tournament this week. That was fun. First time I’ve won one outright since November. Sounds about right with how many (or few comparing to some of these guys) I play. I made a significant change in my tournament game between all the tourneys on Sunday and the ones I played on Monday. I had to go back to the old school selective aggression rather than playing like a LAGtard like I like to in live tournaments. I believe that the specific reason that my lagginess has not worked online is that I do not know the online environment well, am not known (thus can’t get as much respect as I can live), am not able to use my physical reading abilities, and I do not know the players as well. I think in the tournament I won I only played like 18% of my hands going into the final table with a pre-flop raise percentage of something like 12% overall. These numbers were obviously much higher as I got deeper, but you get the idea.
I want to point out the key mistake that my opponents made at the end that were the key to my victory. Read that again, it was not my brilliant play deep that won me the tournament, it was the mistakes that they made and the ones that I did not make.
First one: five left, I’m third in chips w/360k, 1.4mil in play. UTG is the chip leader with a little over 500k. Blinds are 5k-10k/2k. UTG opens for 120,000!!!! ?!?!?!?!?!?!? Yeah, I was confused too. I had AKo in the small blind though and shipped my 360k in the middle gleefully. HE FOLDED! I literally laughed out loud, cracking up. Five players left of a major tournament and the guy plays that bad. For the record, when blinds are that big of a percentage relative to the average stack, you should never, ever, ever, ever, ever open raise for more than 3x the big blind. If my opponent didn’t do this it is exponentially more difficult for me to win the tournament.
Second hand, same flavor. Heads up, previous 2nd in chips is now the leader and I’ve lost some back (why it would’ve been much more difficult to win. He has 1.1mil I have 300k. Blinds are 10k-20k/4k. The guy open shoves the button! So retarded! I have TT, gladly call, and he has J8. Why? Why?!? Why??????? Any hand that I’m shoving on him I’m also calling his shove with, and ALL of those hands have J8 crushed to very crushed. I’m not calling there with 77. Ever. Super dumb play, I got doubled up, and the rest was history.
So, learn from my opponents, and don’t make stupid pre-flop raises (amounts, not cards. You’re allowed to have any two cards when raising pre-flop in a tournament!).
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sunday Jared let me do the stupidest thing ever to him for $200: staple his arm twice, anywhere between the wrist and the shoulder in any place that’s not obvious bone or joint as hard as I can with a standard Swingline. How the heck could I pass up this offer? Fifty years from now we’re going to be sitting on a 2007 pontoon boat on some lake drinking a PBR, and I’m going to make fun of him for the time that he let me slam two staples into his arm. Neither of us were drunk either, which was the most retarded thing. So, I nailed his tricep for the first one, and then right into the top of his forearm for the second one. I would have felt bad on the soft part of the fore arm. These things went straight in, rested flush against his skin, and when he finally peeled them out of his skin the tabs were both bent in (like staples do) about 60 degrees (almost the whole way - definitely curved though!) I would have had to pay a fortune ($5k+) to do something like that to one of the poker fellas that I hang out with, but Jared let me have this lifelong gem of a story for three tanks of gasoline.
Unfortunately, Jared got his gem earlier this summer on me for free. 4am, at the same bar, and this time we’re all very much under the influence (as if you couldn’t gather that from the beginning of the story - “So, we’re at a bar at 4am…”). I’m playing video poker and a pretty little friend of mine starts scratching my back. Nails. Woman’s touch. Back scratch. Me likey. Ughhhhh… it feels soooooooo good. I stop gambling and put my head down resting on my hands but still sitting up. She moves up to my neck (sensitive…) and starts playing with my ear (not fair) and I say, “ohhhhhhh, that’s not fair…. That’s my spot.” She then moves all the way down my face and at this point funny things are going to phase two and I’m putty. She puts her fingers on my lips and I start kissin em and suckin on em and getting all into it. After about 10-15 seconds I feel my head get jerked, pulled by the hand in my mouth, AWAY from the side that the pretty little girlie was sitting and right into the bosom of my brother Jared, at which point he asks me, with his hand still in my mouth, “What are you doing?!?” Worst part: it was at the gaming bar that they all work at, and they have access to the surveillance tapes.
Cheers! If you’re in Seattle and will be at the Bumper Shoot Saturday, gimme a holler!
Peace and good luck,
Devo
posted by Devo @ 3:05 AM
|
<< Home