Hurting Those We Love - Why?
I cannot believe it... in my own house even. Another male kissing my girl.
I have been thinking about the collateral effects of Shay and I's relationship over the past few days. For some people, they have been reminded of when they fell in love - and it has been a source of fresh encouragement in their relationships. This has also been very encouraging for Shay and I - to be affirmed in our relationship when so many others have told us we're stupid. Most of the people I've talked to are pretty skeptical. They know that I've been excited about girls before. They see that we haven't even known of each other's existence for two months yet. We met on the internet. She could really be a psycho (she is a little weird...). Yet the bottom line behind it all is that nobody has taken more than five minutes to hear my heart. This is especially true for the few that have taken to animosity from the issue. There are several people who are quite upset with me primarily as a result of the last month and a half's happenings. I cannot help but ask myself why.
"I'm only saying this because I love you." Those are the words that people always fall back onto. Sweet. I genuinely appreciate your concern and love. However, why don't you simply hear my heart? Hear where I am coming from? Because I would love to tell you. Explain to you how my spirit rejoiced the first time I saw her. Explain how I have never let myself be so completely vulnerable with anybody since my father bailed on my family 7 and a half years ago, and she has responded with unconditional love. She is the only person alive that truly knows all my skeletons. Yet she has simply loved me more.
So what if I am wrong? Why is it so important for people to tell me how they feel (or not tell me and have discussions about how lame I am when I ain't around) even after I have said thanks for your concern, but no thanks. Is it really that important for us to be right? Why can't we simply love the individual that has fallen down? Why must we be so obsessed with our pride and being right that we push away those who we "love" in the times that the individual only wants support?
I'm sorry if I am ranting here but it hurts when those who are closest to you forgo attempts at understanding you and instead talk about the mistakes that you are making. It sure makes me lose desire to enter into community. It reinforces the wound that I received from my father - you really can't trust anybody. How does that work? In the same season that I am unconditionally loved by somebody outside my family for the first time in my life I get pushed deeper into my hole of solidarity. Why do we as people so often hurt those we love? Why do we hurt people when we have no intention of hurting?
So sorry for throwing up on y'all, but it's been on my mind - and I believe that it is something important for all of us to think about.
posted by Devo @ 4:31 PM
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