Afraid of Being Blessed
I have a friend struggling through an interesting issue right now. In walking with her through this struggle I have thought a lot about the nature of the struggle and how it speaks to such a deeper issue that we all struggle with - the fear of change and the lack of faithfulness that we have in the world and in God as we go through times of change.Personally I have really begun the classic quarter-life crisis of not being married yet. Friends everywhere are getting married, roomies are getting married, I work at a church full of married people and minors, and I work in a profession where you are expected to be married. I know of many churches that won't consider you for a youth pastor unless you are married. I recently met with a youth pastor from down the street who after finding out I am single said, "Get married as soon as possible." Gee, thanks... excuse me while I send off mail-order to Russia. Are you freaking kidding me?
In the midst of all this though I definitely feel the struggle. I want to be married. But more importantly I want it to be right. Often this is a struggle for me... I go somewhere like Youth Specialties wondering if I am going to meet my wife there and let it be a distraction to me. My mentor said something to me that was profound and helpful all at the same time. "Do you believe that God is in control, and that He is faithful to provide what you need when you need it?"
Hmmm. I do believe that. Why is it so hard to act on it?
So, getting back to what inspired this post. Friend of mine is in a similar place. But she found what she's been looking for, waiting for, not settling for. And when the cards began to fall and talk proceeded to action, she freaked out. Why? Cause it was too right. Because all those fears we humans have manifested themselves. What if I have to move? What if it is right, perfect, and everything I have ever hoped for? Do I deserve that? Isn't this something that I am always seeing happen to other people but could never happen to me?
I totally understand.
We are very good at realizing that life sucks so often. We compare what we know about ourselves with what we don't know about others and leave disappointed and discouraged. We're afraid of being broken out of our comfort zones even if the change is so much better. It reminds me of the whole story about cows. If you open the gates, they won't leave, and if they do, they come back. Or the story of the old man from Shawshank Redemption, when freed from prison committed suicide - because he was comfortable in a lifestyle that he never wanted. We often get overwhelmed with the blessings given to us, because they are too perfect, and we believe that we don't deserve them.
God wants to bless us abundantly. I sometimes wonder how much of His blessings I miss because I won't accept them. We are princes and princesses in the Kingdom of God. I pray that I will start to act like one.
posted by Devo @ 11:29 PM
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